Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
