Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
4 words: hood of his car
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
