so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize