But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
