he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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