Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
