I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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