I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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