this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Buhtt sex?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
