Pappa wants mamma naked
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
