i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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