I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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