he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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