its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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