the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize