haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
