i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
