I think my vagina is haunted
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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