final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
