She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
