Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
