I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
