im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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