its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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