You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
