Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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