i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
