im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
