i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
