toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
