Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize