its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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