Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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