some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
