I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
