The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
