What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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