Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize