Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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