How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
