It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
