I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
