Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
