return my video game
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
