So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
