apparently the secret to your success is patron
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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