I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
