I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
50% drunk capacity currently
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
