All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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