my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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