So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
