sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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