took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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