i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Randomize
