If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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