I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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