In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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