"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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