after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
