btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
you never un-have a 4some
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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