you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
