my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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