Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
