I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
