just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
