If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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