living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize