How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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