that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
