Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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